Friday, Jan 28, 2022 • 20min
25 Years of Stories: A Family Legacy
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This week, connecting with your faith, and going to prom. This episode is hosted by Jon Goode.
Host: Jon Goode
Storytellers: Tia Valeria, Eddy Laughter
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Talking about
Speakers
(5)
Chenjerai Kumanyika
Eddy Laughter
Tia Valeria
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Transcript
Verified
Break
Jon Goode
01:49
Welcome to The Moth podcast. I'm Jon Goode your host for this week.
Share
01:54
Our families leave their mark on us in interesting ways. I literally still have a scar on my knee from wrestling with my brother. Thank you, Dwayne. I remember my mother saying, I believe in you, but I told her I was leaving corporate America to pursue the arts, and I can still feel my father's hand in mind as he lay in bed fighting cancer.
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02:17
Our families, by word deed and example, try to teach us what to do and what not to do. We take the best, throw away the rest, and hopefully in the end we're all the better for it. This week we're continuing our countdown of each of the moths, 25 years with stories from 2021 all about family and their indelible Mark.
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02:39
Our first storyteller this week is Tia Valeria. Now, this was 2021, so Tia told this at a virtual slam where the theme of the night was played again. Here's Tia live virtually at the moth betrayal.
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Tia Valeria
02:57
It's 1999, my senior year in high school. Spring is sprung in
Portland, Oregon
, and I was on my way to prom now. See here in high school I did not care about prom, I wondered if there would be snacks there. I haven't made any arrangements, but I did like a good time and I enjoyed the dance floor, so I decided to go.Share
03:24
Now in high school, the '90s, I was pretty crusty. I was a skater, I had the unique and completely unremarkable unisex gender presentation of queer ravers in jaco flare high water bell jeans with mismatched oversized hoodies and of course the beanie that was also a functional hairstyle.
Share
03:55
So I wasn't thinking much about fashion come prom night, I did have a prom squad and for a queer teenager I was very fortunate to have a supporting family. Now the prom squad consisted of my mother who was also a teacher at my high school and my eldest sister who was an alum, both of them divas ingenues accustomed to the spotlight, they knew their stuff, and they knew how to formal.
Share
04:26
Now I wasn't in charge of anything, so we were fighting the entire night getting ready leading up to it. "Yes, I'll wear deodorant, no, I'm not shaving, no, I don't want a little lift, a little blush, we're not trying makeup on tonight, yeah, you can do my hair" and I was also shopping in mama's closet for this real pretty brown velvet dress that I just knew my girlfriend at the time would like.
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04:55
I was trying to get felt up, I had an idea about something, but mama wasn't having it and pro squad kept insisting that I wear this nice black satiny number that they had laid out. Now I couldn't figure out why because I just wanted to wear this brown velvet dress and get felt up, of course, I couldn't say that, but there was also things that they weren't saying like the real reason why they wanted me to wear the satin black number.
Share
05:22
So they finally asked me if they convinced me, "oh you're gonna look so great, just try it on, look at you, you look fantastic. It also matches your cousin's tux who, by the way, you're going to prom with your first cousin". So instead of a corsage, I get a beard for prom.
Share
05:42
So I get dolled up, I'm in the black number, we're doing this whole Cinderella high film cause play, and I'm pulling it off, you know, I'm cute, cute. So I'm okay with it, cousin and I arrived, our friends are stuck there are jaws on the floor, we make our entrance, and I'm feeling great.
Share
06:04
We find our way to the dance floor, we find our actual dates for the evening, and the dancing commences. We are getting down, it doesn't take very long before my hair is sweated out. I don't know where my shoes are, cousin splits his tux pants. I've already ripped the dress, and we are feeling it.
Share
06:26
I am cute, I am Cinderella, I am a genie in a bottle, I'm your baby tonight, I'm every woman. And there's a commotion in the corner and I can't see it because I'm 5'4'' and I don't have any shoes on at this point because, 6'3'' is just peering casually over the heads of our classmates, and he tells me, "no fam you don't, you don't need to see that. It is fine".
Share
06:53
So FOMO me gets out of the spotlight and goes, I'm every woman to the corner to see what happened. And what happened was I'm every woman, the
Chaka Khan
version, had walked in the door and was taking pictures with all of my friends.Share
07:09
That's right. My mama showed up to my prom in that brown velvet dress, and I'm looking like who wore it better? Right? And I'm gonna tell, I'm gonna tell you right now, mama clearly wore it better. No argument, not gonna lie to you. But inside, I'm feeling like, why are you doing this to me? This is not like I'm not the cute one anymore.
Share
07:33
And I go up, I greet her, I'm like, "you look great". And we posed for some pictures with them, some of my friends that got the 1999 disposable point and shoot cameras, and I'm serving grimaced space like second-grader on picture day, cheese and I eventually get over it.
Share
07:58
I did have a good prom, we parted ways, she made the rounds to go and see her colleagues. I went back to the dance floor to just gay it up and whatever found my shoes eventually found some healing, some closure or so I thought because trust issues 20 years later we're deciding we're gonna have a 20-year reunion and the classmates and I are figuring out the location, and they casually ask if mama's gonna make an appearance.
Share
08:29
So I casually asked her, fearing the worst cause if she still has those dresses, we can do this all over again, and she hadn't committed to chaperoning the problem the first time around, and she wouldn't give me an answer. And she was going to show up to the reunion thankfully she didn't, and I'm sure forgiveness is out there, but we will find out.
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Jon Goode
08:55
That was Tia Valeria. Tia Valeria pronouns she/they/zir, is proudly black, bold, queer and quantum gendered. She's hypnotically ambivert and atypically chill. Tia moonlights by stage light as artist, musician, songwriter Valerie ativa, who was known for such smash hits as penicillin, aspirin and whiskey. Tia dabbles in the unspoken word yarn spinning anthropology and no chill. And it's beholden to cats the cycles of planetary alignment and one lower case C. For photos of Tia at prom, head to the extras for this episode on our website, the moth. org/extras.
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09:37
Our next storyteller is Eddy Laughter. Eddie is a graduate of
The Moth
education program, and she told this story at a showcase in New York City
where the theme of the night was resilient spirit stories of women and girls. Here's Eddie live at The Moth
.Share
Eddy Laughter
10:02
I grew up going to a
Quaker School
, and I was one of the only three actually Quaker kids there. My dad was a Quaker, so is Quaker still. And I thought that made me an expert. Whenever it came up in class, I was like inner light, I know all about that. I gotcha and I was in like fourth grade by the way, but that was like my the most active way identified with Quakerism.Share
10:28
I was going to Quaker meeting for worship every Sunday because my dad wanted me to, but I would just kind of sit downstairs and doodle while our parents were in worship and that was, that was just what would happen on Sundays. And my mom is also, my mom is
Jewish
and I, my connection to that side of my family is even foggier and more distant.Share
10:47
I would just visit my family for the holidays and get really confused about how I knew everybody, and then I would come back and then go to school the next day, and weirdly a lot of kids at my Quaker meeting were also this combination of Quaker and
Jewish
, and we like to call ourselves Quak-ish and that was the extent of our analysis of that.Share
11:10
And if I'm being totally honest, all I wanted to do was when I, when I was little was pretend to be a dragon with my friends. So religion is not pretending to be a dragon. So it was thus not high on my list of priorities then. And, but as I got older, it eventually was no longer cool to pretend to be a dragon, and it wasn't cool to really talk about religion either.
Share
11:29
I got into middle school and got everything got more awkward, and I got less friends and I, I'm going to say I was being like politely bullied where nothing was happening that intense, but it was far from great, and I got really distant from religion. I stopped going in a Quaker meeting on Sunday because no one was really making me, and so I like talked about it less. My Quakers and facts weren't fun or like cool things to tell people.
Share
11:57
But I could never really get out of going to the
Jewish
holidays. They happen so infrequently that I had to be there, and I didn't see my cousins very often. So it was important that I went, but I got that it was important for my mom. I didn't get how it was important to me. I never really saw myself there. I didn't really get why I specifically had to be there.Share
12:15
In seventh grade, my school took a field trip to a
holocaust
exhibit in a Jewish
cultural center in Manhattan
and I had learned about the holocaust
, we're learning about it in history class, and we're learning about World War II
in Germany
in the '30s and '40s. It was something happened in the past, so this was a field trip.Share
12:33
We, and it was just a time to not be in class. So we're in seventh grade, and we entered the museum and a sort of rambunctious fashion because it's seventh grade. And that's just what kind of happens.
Share
12:43
And the museum goes in chronological order through timelines. So we're in the beginning part, and we're, me and my two friends are just sort of like walking around and sort of like making fun of propaganda and laughing at videos of Hitler youth kids.
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12:56
And then the museum, takes a hold on us as it is designed to do, and my friends go elsewhere. And I'm by myself and the floor of the museum is carpeted so it kind of eats away at footsteps, so you can't really hear anyone else around you. And I'm by myself. And I'm walking, and I turned to my left and I see this long hallway and at the end of the hallway is this wall that looks like it's made out of a bunch of small tiles.
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13:25
And I get closer and realize that they're not tiles, but they're actually very, very small portraits of like photographs of people who entered and died in
Auschwitz
and there are so many of them, they go all the way down this hallway, they turn the corner and there are these pillars in the museum just architecturally, and they wrap around.Share
13:44
And I overcome with this, this wave of like this urge to make eye contact with each and every one of the pictures and I feel like I need to give them the space that I owe them and like take my time and try to give all of my attention to them and I physically cannot do that, but I'm trying my hardest in this sort of like frantic fashion of making eye contact with everyone and the pictures start to feel different all of a sudden they feel like a mirror and I see parts of my own face there, I see my nose and my eyes something about my bone structure and my hair, and it's overwhelming, and it's terrifying.
Share
14:26
My mom would talk about feeling like she looks really
Jewish
in certain places when there weren't a lot of other Jewish
people around. I never knew what that meant, and then all of a sudden it makes sense, it clicks, it clicks in a crushing way, and I was someone who was very familiar with the concept of loneliness.Share
14:44
I was, I felt really isolated at school in middle school and I when I would walk down the hallway, it felt like I was lonely to the point where it felt corrosive in my body, but this loneliness that I feel in this museum is not like anything I had experienced before. It's like the museum had singled out me and like left me somewhere stranded, and I was like almost in free fall.
Share
15:05
And it was so much that when I eventually left the exhibit, all I wanted to do was find someone to talk about this with, and so I'm going up to people in my class and trying to relay the information that this museum is apparently about me specifically and my classmates don't really seem to get how shocking this feels.
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15:28
I feel like I'm crushed and everyone just sort of takes it like a "yeah Eddie" and my that this is the reaction I get from my
non-Jewish
classmates and also from my Jewish
classmates, someone just sort of give me a yikes face, which doesn't help at all, and we'll eventually leave the museum and find our way to a playground because that's kind of like where field trips always lied and people are running around and playing tag and I can't get myself to do that.Share
15:56
I'm sitting on this bench and this feeling that I've found in the museum is kind of like sticky, and it feels like I can't leave the museum, and I'm sitting there with my friend talking to me about TV shows that I don't want to talk about watching everybody else play tag and I feel so angry that they're able to play tag and I can't because that was all I would have wanted to do in a normal school day.
Share
16:15
But I'm sitting there and with this feeling that I found this whole new piece of who I am in that museum and I have to like to hold on to it and somehow fit it into my perception of whom I thought I was.
Share
16:31
Which is so hard, it was like my someone, it was like suddenly my whole face meant something different than what I thought it did and like how do you deal with that when you're 13 and all you do is think about the way your face looks in comparison to other people? And I have just sat with that piece for a really long time and I just felt it grow into myself, and I've, or maybe I've grown into it and I found other people to talk to this about.
Share
16:55
And with my half
Jewish
friends, we talk about how we exist in this sort of like limbo space of, maybe we're not necessarily practicing, but it's still very much in our lives and everybody who I talk to has like their own sort of like definition of what it means to them, and it's really interesting and fascinating and somewhere along this journey, I realized that I really like going to all the family gatherings, and they're really important to me and I get upset when I miss them.Share
17:20
I was sick for
Rosh Hashana
one year, and I was just like, how am I going to have a sweet New Year? And I was like, I was distraught, but there's a lot of comfort and connection in those gatherings. Sometimes it feels like Judaism
is a part of my body, in that very physical way that I got in that museum.Share
17:38
And at the same time I have recently after taking a very long break from it, I've recently become a member of my Quaker meeting, and I'm finding that Quakerism is it's own piece that's separate from
Judaism
in my life. But they can go, they can both be there together, and they can both exist, and they don't negate each other, they're just both there.Share
17:56
I can sit with them for however long I need, and I can ponder my spirituality what being Quake-ish means and the fact that I have a heritage and also like maybe research some
Jewish
superheroes because like, you know, Jewish
superheroes, thank you.Share
Jon Goode
18:12
That was Eddie Laughter. Eddie Laughter grew up in
Brooklyn
, New York
and is an alumni of The Moth
education program, where she is now working as an intern. She's a fan of writing, wandering aimlessly and over analyzing monster movies. Currently, she's attending Smith College
in North Hampton
, Massachusetts
.Share
18:36
That's all for this episode, we hope you'll come with us as we continue to take a look back at the meaningful, surprising and important stories from the most 25-year history. From all of us here at
The Moth
have a story worthy week.Share
Davy Sumner
18:52
Jon Goode is an
Emmy
nominated writer raised in Richmond,
Virginia
and currently residing in Atlanta
, Georgia
. Jon's work has been featured on CNN's
Black in America
HBO's
Def Poetry Jam
and TVOne
Verses and Flow. He has written a collection of poetry and short stories entitled Conduit and a novel entitled Midas. John is a fellow of Air Sarin B and current host of The Moth
Atlanta
. Special thanks to the Kate Spade New York Foundation, which provided sponsorship for the resilient spirit stories of women and girls showcase at which Eddy Laughter told her story.Share
19:29
This episode of
The Moth
podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Jenness, Sarah Jane Johnson, Marc Sollinger and me, Davy Sumner. The rest of The Moth
leadership team includes Catherine Burns, Sarah Haberman, Jenifer Hixson, Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers, Jennifer Birmingham, Marina Klutse, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Inga Glodowski and Aldi Kaza. All Moth stories are true as remembered by storytellers.Share
Break
20:16
Hi listeners, this black history month LinkedIn is celebrating black business leaders, and they've invited us to share a bonus story with you. We thought this was the perfect opportunity to share a story from Chenjerai Kumanyika, a former
hip hop
star who learns that life goes on post fame.Share
Chenjerai Kumanyika
20:32
On December 21, 2007 at 2: 15 pm. A colleague at my job told me the boss wanted to see me and I should brace myself because the boss wasn't pleased. Now, when I say my job, what y'all should know is this was a temporary job. And when I say it was a temporary job, what you should know is that my performance today determine whether I would be asked back tomorrow.
Share
20:59
So when I went in the boss's office, here's what she said. "Hi, Chenjerai, yesterday I asked you to make 200 Gilmore Girls Thanksgiving Day special Dvds, but the Excel spreadsheet that you made ordered more than that".
Share
21:15
Okay, how many more?
Share
21:18
One million Gilmore Girls Thanksgiving Day special Dvds, can you explain that please? I could, I have no idea how to use
Microsoft Excel
. I lied about my skills to get this job. My solution to the first two problems has been when in doubt, hit enter.Share
21:45
What I'm trying to explain to you is on December 21, 2007 at 2: 15 pm, my life sucked, and it didn't just suck because I had a job that I was no good at and that few people wanted. It sucks because only two years ago I had a job that I was very good at and that everyone wanted. I was a full time
Hip Hop
artist. You see in 1995, four friends and I decided that the music industry was missing something, what the game needed was a group that was kind of like The Fugees
, but not quite as talented. Kind of like the roots, but not quite as creative.Share
22:28
So we formed The
Spooks
and after years of grinding out demos and everybody telling us we were never gonna make it, we finally did the impossible. We came up to New York,
and we signed a record deal. One day, the CEO of our record label called us into his office and his assistant said we should brace ourselves because he was very excited. Spooks
, he likes saying that a little too much for a white guy in my opinion.Share
22:60
"I figured out how we're all gonna make millions, and it comes down to two words,
Laurence Fishburne"
, I was like, wait a minute, you mean like the movie star Laurence Fishburne
like Apocalypse Now
, Laurence Fishburne
? Morpheus
, The Matrix
Laurence Fishburne
? According to our CEO, the Laurence Fishburne
had agreed to make our song, the main theme song of the first film he ever directed.Share
23:28
All we had to do was go to dinner with him and solidify the deal, no problem. Went up to
New York
, waited out in front of a restaurant and sure enough, the Laurence Fishburne
pulled up on a scooter. Not only did he agree to put our song in his film, but he agreed to be in our music video, awesome.Share
23:51
So like many genius artists before us,
Jimi Hendrix
, James Baldwin
, the Spice Girls
, we blew up in Europe.
First, we got a gold album in the UK
, then we got a gold single in France. Then we got a gold single in Belgium
, we got a gold single in Sweden
. You know, I was telling this to a friend of mine the other day, he kind of bragging, and he was like, "wait a minute, doesn't it only take like 3000 albums to go gold in Belgium
? " "Yeah, that's true, but how many gold albums you got? f- you don't be a hater.Share
24:26
We were top ten, you know what I'm saying? We were top ten all over
Europe
, you know what I mean? We did all the TV shows, we did like Viva, MTV,
Jools Holland,
on Top of the Pops
,
you name it, we were flying all over doing concerts, you know like Glastonbury
Leeds
, Roskilde
? All those shows.Share
24:44
I finally felt like we had made it, when one day my manager told me we had a problem. We had to do two shows in two different countries on the same day. Solution was simple,
Sony
rented a private jet, eight o’clock show in Berlin,
11: 30 show in London.
And as we were flying across Europe
from one set of screaming fans to another, in a private jet, drinking specially procured Scandinavian appetizers.Share
25:13
I was sitting next to a record exec that I felt like I was kind of becoming my friend because you know, a lot of people around us at this time just were telling us what we wanted to hear. You know, they had a financial incentive to do that, but this person was somebody I felt like, you know, I'm starting to trust.
Share
25:28
So I was like Susan, I got an idea when we finished touring, let's just meet up somewhere in
Europe
like all of us in fact maybe we could make it like a yearly thing, just like pick a place in Europe
somewhere and somewhere in the world and just kick it.Share
25:40
We have been laughing up to that point, but suddenly she got really serious, and she took my hand, and she said "listen Chenjerai, I have to be honest with you, I don't know where you're going to be next year, enjoy it while it lasts".
Share
25:59
She kind of knocked the wind out of me with that one. "What do you mean we're gonna be making music next year, We're good at this and people like our songs. I like doing this".
Share
26:11
I thought we were finally part of the club, look at this private jet look at these specially procured Scandinavian appetizers. But she was right two months later a marketing exec called us into his office and said that due to a poorly chosen third single, they had run out of money to promote our album, and it was over.
Share
26:37
I moved to Los Angeles, I got married, and eventually I found myself in a cubicle producing Gilmore Girls DVDs. But even then I kind of felt like I still had a foot in the game and I think my wife felt the same way because she was like, "honey, I have a job for you, were you kind of like work with some celebrities, are you interested? "
Share
26:57
"And I was like of course, but I'm gonna be around my people, I'm probably gonna need to go shopping". She reached in her purse, pulled out the
JCPenney
card, she was like "get a suit, not the most expensive one, you'll be working security". Fair enough.Share
27:14
I went to the gig, now this was kind of like a gathering of the black filmmaking elite. You know,
Spike Lee
was there, Tyler Perry
was there, you had the whole cast from The Wire
was there and then coming out of a limousine was the Laurence Fishburne,
and I'm not gonna lie at that point people weren't treating me as a security guard, you know too well, but I was like, now they're gonna learn, you know what I'm saying?Share
27:35
I didn't just get
Laurence Fishburne's
autograph, he was in my video. But as it got closer, I kind of started to second guess myself a little bit. I was like "wait a minute, what if he wants me to go in? I can't, I'm working, how am I gonna explain that? " And actually I was like "he's not gonna ask me to go in, and I'm sitting here in the JCPenney
suit". I didn't even have dress socks on. I had sweat socks on.Share
27:59
And come to think of it, but I haven't even made music in like months or whatever, you know what I mean? Like I just, I'm not an artist really anymore, I'm not in the rap game, I'm a Gilmore Girls Dvds, and I'm not even good at that. And I got more and more nervous and as he got closer I just second guessed myself. And when he got right next to me, I actually turned my head because I just didn't want to have to explain what my situation was. I don't know if I felt more depressed or relieved at that moment.
Share
28:30
A few weeks later, I interviewed for a job as an administrative assistant. Now this firm was in a cramped office, dimly lit. You know, the kind of place where it's just like insidious pop music leaking out of the radio, but nobody hears it because they're hopelessly staring into their computer screens.
Share
28:49
I was hopelessly staring at my resume, trying to figure out how it's gonna explain these gaps in it and why a
Hip Hop
artist was really excited about being a full time administrative assistant.Share
29:03
And as I was listening to the music, I suddenly it started to sound familiar, and then I like, I recognize, I recognize that song. And I was like, " wait a minute, I wrote that song, that's things I've seen, that's the song that did it for us". One of the employees looked at his code as a co-worker and was like, "yo remember this song, things I've seen, I love that sh-, so it was hot". I got excited, like maybe somebody's gonna recognize me. I started looking around, but no one recognized me.
Share
29:32
And you know, that's okay, I think that was kind of the point, you know. What I always loved about making music was that you don't have to be a big important person to make compelling songs that can reach out and touch somebody and I didn't have to suffocate, trying to pretend to be some rock star that hangs out with
Laurence Fishburne
to keep doing that.Share
29:53
I also realized in that moment that maybe I have more to offer the world than Excel spreadsheets. I was looking for a third door where I could do what I wanted and at the same time I could make opportunities for other people to make music. I found that door when I was offered the opportunity to run a studio for an incredible nonprofit organization called Street Poets. Street Poets takes marginalized youth and helps develop them into artists and teachers and healers.
Share
30:24
While I was working at Street Poets, I was able to get my PhD and become a professor of media studies. And now sometimes when I'm sitting in my office, my students just come in, and they're so excited to tell me about their dreams and their fears. And I know I should tell them like, "listen, y'all, it's hard out there, life kicks your ass, play it safe".
Share
30:47
But I never do. I tell them "go for it, enjoy it while it lasts, but brace yourself because when it doesn't, sometimes you got to figure out who you're not, so you can become who you are". Thank you!
Share
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Jon Goode
Tia Valeria
Eddy Laughter
Davy Sumner
Chenjerai Kumanyika